i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You did what with his pubic hair?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
