i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
