Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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