I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize