Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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