I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I need moral support for this bender
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
