ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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