i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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