Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
