You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
