she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
