The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
