need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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