Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
