can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize