from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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