I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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