We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
