It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
