You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
