just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
