Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
