We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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