And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
