She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize