If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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