Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
