she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
