we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
