Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
