using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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