I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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