Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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