You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize