Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We're too hungover to prance.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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