we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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