addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
