My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
