If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
