I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
