She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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