he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize