I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
