So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
