It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Buhtt sex?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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