dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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