How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
