I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
