Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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