we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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