my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
