Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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