i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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