Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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