Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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