Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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