I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
