We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
