It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
