She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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