I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
