You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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