Someone shit on the floor
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
