Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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