We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
