I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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