My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
