You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you still have your period?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
