i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
