Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
