Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
