I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
