i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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