I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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