i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hippo gnu deer
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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