mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
