Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
