After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
