Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
