Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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