I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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