Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
