I must be too annoying 4 u.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
