Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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