Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
home. puking in laundry basket.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
