i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
