I just made out with a guy for $7.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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