Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize