I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
