I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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