so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
