Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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