when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize