It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize