it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
