I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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