if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
