He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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