Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
