so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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