i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
