tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
