we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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