Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
