I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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