then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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